i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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