Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
