literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
