Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
