I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
