This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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