I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
