In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
