Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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