For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
