By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
