it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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