You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
