so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
