Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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