They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize