What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
