I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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