my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
