I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
