U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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