Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
