He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
