You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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