take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
