i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
