you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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