I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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