the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
