So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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