if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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