im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
