Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
