There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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