hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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