hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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