I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize