Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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