we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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