nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
how does that bad decision feel?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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