Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You need a sexual gate keeper
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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