found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
