We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
