one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
