No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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