jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
