She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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