I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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