Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize