mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize