Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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