It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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