I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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