You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
