It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
