fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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