how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i need some magic done to my vagina
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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