btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
