have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
