Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
