It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
