I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
