Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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