I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
