You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
