dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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