She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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