how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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