i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
