And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
