The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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