names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
