Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
