you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
