i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
