I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
