I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
