If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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