Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
