Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
