4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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