the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
