My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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