If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
