the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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