There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
