Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We need to rekindle our bromance
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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