We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
