My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
