i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i need some magic done to my vagina
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
