i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Let's get the cat blown out
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
