The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
