I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
