Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
