someone threw a dead crab at me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
