Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
