I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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