We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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