and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
