I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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