dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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