My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
